He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
