she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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