Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
