I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This house was built for laser tag.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
