Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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