Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
