1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
