No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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