dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
