If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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