Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
