dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
