You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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