lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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