Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
