dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
