he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
