He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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