I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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