i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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