everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
