what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
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Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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