were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im six kinds of drunk right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
