I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
