Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
