just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
