My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sorry about my life...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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