My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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