i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
