Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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