Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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