Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
