I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
