My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I smell like Dick and happiness
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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