We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
