I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
