I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
