tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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