I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
