oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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