He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
