She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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