I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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