So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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