Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
