No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
