when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
