DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
