dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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