Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
