when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
