Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
