So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
