So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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