I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
false alarm. still invincible.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
