Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
