how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
