We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
