You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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