Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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