Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
