Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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