How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
