We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
