Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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