Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
